Yesterday I had one of the worst days that I've had in a while. I felt a lot of frustration, sadness, anger, and self-pity. In my first year of college I have had to deal with many challeges. I have realized that I was not even half-prepared to be a college student. Some of my feelings come from realizing that my school life as a child was such a horrible experience. It was worse than I had allowed myself to admit or remember. While I was not "left behind" I certainly was not prepared for the challenge. Having the opportunity to be in college felt like having a winning lottery ticket and it gave me new hope. As I started being engaged in my classes and connecting with other students and teachers, I felt even more excitement about this new chapter in my life....Yet that hope starts to slip away from me everyday I struggle to keep up with my peers. Isn't there a way that someone like me inspite of all my challenges can be successful in higher education? Right now it feels like I won said lottery ticket and I misplaced it. I know I am not the only one having challenges but I ask "why do we have to suffer" While I have loved the college experience I also have had intense flashbacks to my childhood. The times when I just sat in class and felt completely lost, shamed to be so slow, and too embarrased of myself to say anything about it. I suffer in silence. I feel like I am drowning on dry land.
My son is always a bright spot in my world with his wonderful questions at just the right time... he asked " Mom, why cant school be fun"? Why does school make me feel like crying sometimes and why does it make you cry"?
Hmmm. Wouldn't it be great if you just knew that although you would be challenged that you would be in an environment where you learn with your peers not feeling as if youre not as good/smart as them. Where you just feel like your teachers will be approachable and we all learn from each other and build friendships and experience growth along the way. I know I get excited about the classes where I feel like I contribute, where I connect with students and have dialouge around what we are studying in class (after class), where my intrests are sparked and my thoughts provoked , where I feel like I am valued for the student I happen to be (challenges and all) and the student I want to become (successful).
I have experienced these kind of classrooms here in college and I am very grateful that I have otherwise I might have given up. To all the teachers who really create an enriching experience, thank you!
La Cura, you continue to inspire and challenge me. You are exactly the kind of student most faculty wish for, engaged, trying hard, attending events/lectures outside of class, and really connecting the dots between what you are learning in various classes.
ReplyDeleteWhile I can't take away all of your challenges, I can remind you that you are where you are supposed to be, in college.
"Waiting for Superman" was a great documentary. I've read and seen a lot about education over the years, and I thought this documentary did a good job of showing how hard it is for students from underfunded and crappy schools to succeed in higher education.
I know you can succeed La Cura, you are highly intelligent, an amazing critical thinker, and persistent. I am sorry you have so many struggles, yet please, please remember it has NOTHING to do with how smart you are.